As a 53-year-old woman, I am watching my body change before my very eyes. I haven’t even reached menopause yet + still, the changes are dramatic + hard to witness.
Anyone else? I mean, watching my skin lose elasticity. Seeing the crepy on my neck. Watching the natural tint in my lips disappear. The creases + lines deepen.
The changes are wild. A bit unnerving.
And, that’s just my face!
Our world tells us we should fear/avoid/resist these changes. That we will no longer be needed/desired/visible when these changes take place. That we should do ALL we can to hide these changes. Reverse them. Erase them.
Honestly, I feel like it’s programmed in me. This idea to ‘stay young’.
Don’t change.
Here’s my question:
Why can’t we CELEBRATE the changes? Honor them? Revere them? And, what would happen if we did?
What if the energy we use to resist aging, maintain a certain look + erase time – was instead spent on life itself? The things we enjoy. The people we love. The dreams we have.
What if? (Sit with that for a moment. It’s kind of mind-blowing.)
What if we had been drilled our whole lives with the idea that wrinkles + dark spots are signs of deep wisdom + worthy of reverence?
What if those traits had a special + coveted place in our culture?
What if aging + this stage of life was something we had been looking forward to since we were little girls?
How’s THAT for a brain tweak?
Back to the real world
Let’s get honest for a minute. How do you talk to yourself when you see your reflection in a mirror? Is it the way you would talk to your best friend or someone you love? Or do you greet yourself with disappointment? Insult? Disdain?
Depending on the study or article you read, 80-90% of women are unhappy with the way they look. (Notice this statistic has nothing to do with aging. This is women across the board. Across generations. So, if you are hating on yourself, you’re NOT alone! We’ve been practicing our whole lives!)
Getting older gives us ONE more thing to hate on. After all, in our culture, aging is a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that we have ‘given up’. That we have ‘let ourselves go’. Aging is failure.
At least up until a certain age. I’m not sure what that magic age is, but you know the one. It’s the age where old becomes ‘cute’. The age where just about anything you do having fun + being playful is adorable + admirable. (There is no shortage of viral videos featuring adorable elderly couples dancing, etc. They are the cutest! Right?)
But, what about the decades in between? That’s a lotta years of transition + energy wasted in resistance. Trying not to age. Fixing. Hiding. Covering. Shaming.
I’ve decided I don’t want to spend the next 20 years doing that. I want to honor each wrinkle as it appears. I want to embrace the bald spots (Yes, I’ve got a doozie of a bald spot on my head). I want to marvel at what my body does + how it changes.
I want to look forward to seeing myself each day. The changes. The evolution.
I will never be in my 40s again. But, I will also never be in my 50s again. So, I am going to enjoy them. And, I’m not going to spend a minute trying to freeze time.
Instead, I’m going to savor the time. Respect it. And, honor the impact it has on my physical expression. Even the parts I don’t like.
These are bold statements I know. And mind you, I didn’t say it would be easy. Or that I would be successful. I’m just sharing my intention.
I want to have fun becoming that adorable old lady.
How? Well, it’s a work in progress. I’m practicing. I hope you’ll join me!
What’s love got to do with it?
{I’m channeling my inner Tina Turner now as I imagine my adorable elderly self dancing + dishing out advice with ‘What’s love got to do with it?’ playing in the background.}
I’m going to share some advice + thoughts about how to love your aging face in just a minute. But, before I do, I want to challenge the whole premise.
Do we need to love our faces? Seriously. What’s love got to do with it?
It’s a lot of pressure to tell ourselves we need to love everything about our bodies. They are imperfect. They are ever-changing. I mean – how are you supposed to love all of the reminders that time is ticking by?
I honestly don’t think it’s important that we love everything about our faces (or any other body part for that matter).
What we NEED is to love the person we see in the mirror.
There is NO LEVEL of fixing our face that is going to change the way we love ourselves because – as we all know – love does not come from there. It comes from inside. And, it has NOTHING to do with how we look.
It’s about how we FEEL + how we treat ourselves. It’s about seeing ourselves through a different filter. The same filter we place on anyone we love.
Think about someone you love – a friend, spouse, partner, child. There is nothing perfect about them – Am I right? They have all kinds of flaws. Yet, none of those flaws stops you from loving them, protecting them + wanting the best for them.
When you love someone you treat them well. You respect them. You listen to them. You appreciate them. You give them grace.
See, you already know how to use the filter! Time to turn it on yourself.
Are you ready?
How to love your aging face
This list is by no means comprehensive. It’s a starting point. Just some thoughts to throw into the mix the next time you find yourself in front of the mirror.
These are things I find helpful in my life at this stage.
- ASK YOURSELF. Who cares?! Seriously. Why would any sort of wrinkle or discoloration matter? How is that hindering your life? What is the real concern? That you won’t be loved? Noticed? That you’re scared of what’s next? Be honest with yourself. Then, spend your effort on the real concern – instead of the wrinkle or sag.
- LISTEN TO YOURSELF. Your eyes make great ears. Use them to listen. When I wake up in the morning, I can see how shriveled I am. But, after I move + get the blood pumping, I see my body come to life. Your skin can tell you so much about your need for rest, hydration + movement. Look closely. Listen. Give it what it needs. It will do the same for you.
- TREAT YOURSELF. I believe in morning rituals. A glass of lemon water. Quiet time to read. A simple skin care regimen. A balanced breakfast. A solid sweat session (aka exercise). I do these things for myself before I let the rest of the world step into my day. These practices help me ground myself + feel cared for – which helps me bring a better version of myself to everything I do. A good morning routine will make you look better – inside + out.
- HIGH FIVE YOURSELF. I shared a whole post about the high five habit. This one simple habit can change the way you look at yourself in the mirror. If you haven’t tried it – read my post. Read the book! Try it out! Be your best cheerleader. You will LOVE your high five face + your time in the mirror will become very different.
- SURROUND YOURSELF. Find people that make you excited about getting old. There are some amazing women out there embracing their age. Learn from them. Listen to their advice. Read their books. Subscribe to their blogs. Follow their Instagram pages. If you want to see aging as empowering, healthy + fun, surround yourself with people who are doing it!
Learning to love yourself is a practice. There is no finish line. I feel like we spend the first half of our lives figuring out who we are. Then we spend the second half learning to love that person. The good. The bad. The ugly. And, she is forever changing. So, we have to keep finding new ways to love + accept her – even when she disappoints us.
The cool thing is – as we increase our capacity to love ourselves, we increase our capacity to give our gifts to the world. And, the more we give, the more we receive. It’s a beautiful cycle to be in. Let’s keep practicing!
NOTE: This post is an adaptation from my Substack newsletter – The LIFT. If you don’t already subscribe, you should check it out!
